Where to begin? And how can I give you the coles notes…

• I grew up figure skating (and also dancing and gymnastics…basically I did a lot of sports requiring spandex). I was hyper aware of my body from a very young age but didn’t start dieting until 13. A mix of puberty, potential I wasn’t living up to and a sport that no longer brought me joy accumulated in the beginnings of my bulimia.

• Fast forward a few years, I end up skating professionally with Disney on Ice, finish a degree in Psychology, and study a masters abroad. From the outside looking in, life seemed ‘A OK’. The problem was, it always did, and I was far from it.

• Often times, eating disorders don’t take up residency in your body alone. Mine came with bouts of depression, suicidal thoughts and self harm. At 27 yrs old…after years of trying to figure it out on my own, I surrendered. Weeks later I encountered my rockbottom moment and in March 2013 I joined Overeaters Anonymous online and started my recovery.

• Shortly after I started OA I moved to Australia, landed a corporate job in tech and lived in Melbourne for almost 4 yrs. I eventually moved back to Toronto and took with me everything I’d experienced. The lessons, wisdom and moments that brought me back to myself sparked a new interest in wellness. I became a yoga teacher, got certified as a Reiki practitioner, and self-published a poetry book about my recovery. It was only then that I finally spoke out about my struggle.

• One thing is for sure, there is no quick fix. Yet, with every slip, every stumble, every fall I got back up from I learned more about myself and this disorder. I also knew the entire time that I wanted to get better so I could help others get better. Sometimes it is our wounds which point to our contribution in the world.

THE QUOTE THAT CHANGED MY LIFE:

I attended a webinar about addiction hosted by Gabby Bernstein (my “guru” at the time) and Tommy Rosen. I submitted a question not expecting it to be answered so when Tommy said “We have a question from MollyKZee'“ My stomach flipped (mostly kicking myself for making such a stupidly, obvious username).

I asked, “How do you deal with relapse in recovery?”. Tommy said he relapsed twice and that it was a thought he had that helped him recover for good… ”If I don’t get better, I’ll never know what could have been, or who I could become”.

It hit me to the core. I wrote it down on a post-it, and have kept it to this day.

“If I don’t get better, I will never know what could have been”.

I will never know WHO I could be.

My greatest wish for all of us is that we realize who we can be in this world. That we let go of the fear of what others may think and rather follow the beat of our own heart. I believe when we’re true to who we know ourselves to be…magic can happen.

….who are you capable of becoming?

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